Why Parents Must Learn to Regulate Their Own Energy First

Parents are often told that their child’s behavior is the problem to solve. When emotions run high, advice usually centers on discipline, control, or correction. Yet emotional regulation does not begin with behavior. It begins in the nervous system.

Children learn how to relate to emotions by watching how the adults around them respond to stress, intensity, and overwhelm. Before they can regulate themselves, they borrow regulation from their parents. This is not a parenting philosophy. It is a biological and energetic reality.

Regulation Is Learned Through Relationship

A child’s nervous system is shaped through proximity. Tone of voice, pace of movement, and emotional presence communicate safety long before words do. When a parent is regulated, a child’s body senses that steadiness and begins to mirror it.

When a parent is overwhelmed, rushed, or emotionally flooded, a child’s system often escalates as well—not because they are misbehaving, but because their body is responding to the environment.

This is why regulation must be modeled before it can be expected.

A Personal Reflection

One of my children was highly sensitive. Meltdown followed meltdown, and I was deeply concerned. I did what many parents do when they are scared and searching for answers—I sought professional help.

I was told it was a disciplinary issue. I was advised to put him in his room and shut the door until he could calm himself.

I followed that guidance because it was all I knew at the time, and because I trusted the authority of the advice I was given.

What I understand now is that he wasn’t misbehaving. He was overwhelmed. His nervous system needed support, not isolation. In those moments, I unintentionally became an unsafe place for him to land emotionally—not because I didn’t care, but because I didn’t yet have the tools to understand what was happening beneath the behavior.

This realization did not come with shame. It came with clarity.

And it became one of the reasons this work matters so deeply to me.

 

Why Self-Regulation Comes First

Children cannot learn to regulate emotions in isolation. Asking a child to “calm down” without support is like asking them to read without having been taught the alphabet.

Parents must first learn how to notice and regulate their own internal state. This does not mean being calm all the time. It means becoming aware of what is happening inside the body and responding with presence rather than reaction.

This is where self-Reiki becomes essential.

 

How Self-Reiki Supports Parents

Self-Reiki offers parents a way to meet their own nervous system with gentleness. It is not about fixing emotions or forcing calm. It is about creating safety within the body so emotions can move through without overwhelm.

When parents practice self-Reiki regularly, they often notice:https://wendylynnjohnson.com/blog/how-reiki-supports-children-with-anxiety-anger-and-emotional-overwhelm/

• greater awareness of emotional triggers
• a softer response during stressful moments
• increased capacity to pause rather than react
• a sense of steadiness they can return to

This internal regulation changes the emotional environment of the home. Children feel it immediately.

For a general overview of Reiki as a holistic practice, you can visit:
https://www.reiki.org

 

When Parents Heal, Children Feel It

When a parent learns to regulate their own energy, they are no longer asking their child to do something they cannot yet do themselves. Regulation becomes shared rather than demanded.

Children raised in this environment learn that emotions are safe, that support is available, and that calm is something the body can return to.

This is not about parenting perfectly.
It is about parenting consciously.

 

Conclusion

Parents do not need more strategies. They need support.

Learning to regulate your own energy is not a failure—it is a gift. One that changes how children experience emotions, safety, and connection.

Self-Reiki offers parents a way to begin again, not from guilt, but from awareness. And when parents learn calm within themselves, children no longer have to carry what was never theirs to hold.